5 Tips for Maintaining Relationships Through Conflict

Undergrad students gather in main campus locations. All have been cleared and signed release forms.

I get the question from students all the time: how can I confront someone without ruining the relationship? Whether it’s roommates, coworkers, or friends, staying silent about an issue can feel a lot easier than rocking the boat by bringing it up. Maybe it’s your roommate’s dishes piling up in the sink, disagreements about direction for your student org, or a groupmate isn’t pulling their weight. At first, it’s no big deal, but as resentment builds, these things can threaten the whole relationship. As hard as it can feel to address these issues, it often feels worse to hold onto that resentment. So, here are five tips to help you deal with the conflict, and hopefully come out stronger on the other side!

  1. If You Feel Your Temper Rising, Hit Pause

Sometimes, the conversation starts off calm but quickly escalates, and before you know it, both people are frustrated and saying things they don’t mean. If you start to feel yourself getting worked up, it’s totally fine to pause. Taking a break isn’t about avoiding the problem—it’s about giving yourself and the other person some space to cool down and gather your thoughts. When we’re emotional, it’s easy to misunderstand each other or say stuff we don’t actually mean. A short break can help reset the conversation and let you both come back with a clearer head.

  1. Focus on the Shared Goal

When you’re in the middle of a disagreement, it’s easy to get lost in the details and forget the bigger picture of the relationship. Whether it’s a team issue or a living situation, remind yourself what you both want out of the relationship. For example, if it’s a co-leader in an org, you can probably find common ground in the mission. If it’s a roommate, maybe you just want a peaceful space to live in. When things get heated, focus on what you both want to achieve and keep that as the goal.

  1. Stay Curious

Imagine you’re having a disagreement with your roommate about their loud music while you’re trying to study. It’s easy to jump to conclusions and think, “They’re being inconsiderate and just don’t care about my needs.” But instead of labeling your friend right away, stay curious. Maybe they didn’t realize the volume was bothering you, or maybe they’re stressed out and need to unwind with music. When you stay open and curious, you’re more likely to listen to their side of things and work toward a solution that works for both of you. For example, maybe your roommate could use headphones while you study, or you could agree on quiet hours that work for both of you.

  1. Take Care of Yourself

In the midst of conflict, it’s easy to forget about your own well-being. However, self-care is essential for maintaining your mental health, and it helps you handle conflict more effectively. Whether it’s through physical exercise, hobbies, or spending time with supportive people, make sure to set aside time for activities that recharge you. When you’re taking care of yourself, you’re better equipped to approach conflicts with patience, empathy, and clarity, which can lead to more productive outcomes in the long run.

  1. Find an Outside Perspective

If you’re facing a situation where the conflict feels unresolvable, or it’s seriously damaging the relationship—say, you’ve had the same argument with a roommate for months, and it’s starting to affect the whole living situation—don’t hesitate to reach out for an outside perspective. That’s when seeking advice from someone impartial can make a huge difference. For example, the Office of the Student Ombuds is a great resource for resolving conflicts in a neutral, supportive space. Whether you need help facilitating communication or just want some advice on how to approach the situation, I’m here to help students work through tough conversations and find solutions that don’t hurt the relationship.

Conflict is totally normal, and it doesn’t have to end in frustration or bad blood. By using these tips, you’ll get better at handling disagreements, and your relationship can actually grow stronger in the process. The key is being intentional about how you handle things and remembering that you don’t have to do it alone. If things feel tough, know that you always have a confidential, impartial listening ear here at the Ombuds office.

– The OmBlog is a collaborative effort by the OSO team: Isabel Brooke, Riya Mittal and Dr. Daniela Brancaforte